I bought some shirts at the mall the other day. Stop judging me, I can act like a teenage girl if I want to.
I got home and decided the shirts made me look fat. So, I took'em back.
"Why you returning these?" asked the lady behind the counter. She was ferocious, like a tiger or a nun, and scared the fuck out of me. I didn't think she would respond to reason or human compassion, so I lied.
"My boyfriend bought them for me, and I don't like them."
Boyfriend? I haven't had a boyfriend, like ever. Unless you count a promise I made in the second grade and never fulfilled. Yet, here I was, lying through my teeth, and hoping that having a guy who didn't know my tastes was more socially acceptable than feeling tubby.
"Happens to me all the time. Men are damn fools," she said. She smiled, and I returned the favor, happy to have won this lady over. So, it's ok to lie. As long as no one gets hurt.
Mark Jason Williams
I find trouble wherever I go